Presidential Campaign (Email reply to a friend)

I have a problem with politicians in general. Especially those that lick their lips for the blood of power whether in their sites or in their grasp. Ron Paul is not the guy for me. He is pro life, which I strongly disagree. Repealing the patriot act, thats a bit strong. There are parts of the patriot act that are not or were not meant for infringement purposes. All you have to do to see that, is read the original draft. It wasn't until it faced almost certain defeat, then certain people at the white house revised, rewrote and recreated the bill. I am strong against the infringement of civil liberties, however in this day and age and post 9/11 I think some of the structure of that document are valid.

As for ridding us of income tax, I think I agree to a small degree with you. A flat tax seemed a good idea until I looked further at that and some of the folks that supported it. For income taxes to be abolished, well first we have to treat the problem rather than a symptom of the American worker. By that I mean, when government spending is so far out of control that the hours we work each day are dedicated to the allowances of our government....then I have a problem.

I no longer believe as I have for some time, that we have a government that is OF BY, AND FOR THE PEOPLE. Our constitution has become nothing more than an old historical document that is as worthless as the light that shines upon it. I cannot stomach another news report about our government sending $1 to another country when we have homeless people in our own country, when a drug addict trying to get help is turned away because he/she doesn't have money for treatment. When treatment centers don't teach relapse prevention, by not teaching it, it insures repeat customers. As well, when I sit here typing this with a horrifyingly bad case of bronchitis and knowing in the back of my mind that it might become if not already pneumonia, that infuriates me.

So if we cut off the dead and bloody symptom, which is outrageous financial irresponsibility by our government. We could keep or lower our level of income tax. Then restructure it, so that the lower and middle class aren't the ones paying the way for the rest of us. Let the top 10% of earners, Ball Players, Rock Stars, Actors, CEO's with golden parachutes....let those fuckers pay more. Leave us at the bottom alone.

National health care is not an illusion. What is a delusion is the point that the government wants to run it. If you take the profit out of it and make a non-governmental regulated organization oversee it, we can measure some success. As it stands, currently OUR GOVERNMENT IS WAY OUT OF LINE. I don't know anyone that represents me as an American in America in 2007.

As for NAFTA...... That was a huge mistake when it was passed and I said so then and I'll keep saying it. Nuff said....you prolly want rip your own eyes out after reading all of this. I think if you had to look at it from a stand point of today was voting day.... I'd have to Vote for Barack Obama. Anybody running for political office is bullshit, lies and corruption.....

Who the hell knows.... I Guess all we can hope for is that January 20th, 2009 gets out of here fast, our troops come home and I don't die of pneumonia before any or all of these.

Now you see inside (The Edge of Tears)

Have you ever seen a movie that has been dramatic, filled with passion and zeal? Sure you have! Have you ever cataloged that movie indelibly into your memory banks as if part of it were the fabric of your life? Sure you have! The above being said, within the framework of your mind scribed movie masterpiece is there a point that invokes.... lets say a welling up, a moment which you are truly affected emotionally? Sure there is, I'm sure we all have that moment.

From Old Yeller, Charlotte's Web and Bryan's Song. We that are old enough to remember or know these movies and the exact moment at which it will occur. Its what keeps us glued to the movie and keeps that affect tucked away as if an heirloom of our soul within our memory banks.

Well another of those moments has prompted my blog tonight. With the luxury of digital cable and its plethora of hundreds of channels from which to choose, I happened upon "Encore" at about 10:20. After an un-planned nap of a few hours I got up scurried about and started scrolling through that frickin guide of channels.

My regular channels were pretty much crap, History, DIY, CNN all three networks, ESPN all of them. So obviously I was forced to go second tier and it came down to the Doors movie on 143 or Patch Adams on 158. Years ago I had a week from hell and ended up in the theater by myself watching this movie. I have seen it a few times since and the same thing happens usually.....screw everything and watch the movie.

I digress. Some of the movies of this variety are movies with a reliable and concerted, profound emotional impact upon me. Not unlike many of you I'm sure. Well I started watching the movie tonight and it invoked the same response...plus some. Its the plus some that really has prompted my writing.

I don't want to really go into a full length description and or write the screenplay on here. The basic premise is a fella that really views life different than conventional wisdom, based in the medical field. Each person isn't just a medical case, as in the leukodystrophy patient in bed three as opposed to the cute little Allison Smith. His view, dedication and passion were the evocation within the movie that stormed my emotional centerpiece.

He found that within a ward of smaller children suffering from diseases and sickness, there was a institutional somberness and quiet that seemed almost disturbing. So he decided to bring some laughter and cheer by injecting humor to the ward, by using medical instruments as props to improvise and ad lib. There are several circumstances where his calling was blatantly shown to him, before he realized what it is that sought him all of his years.

Again I digress, have you ever wondered why at the moment of impact shall we say (welling up) what the cause or affect of such a flow of emotion occurs? I suppose I don't have your answer, but that was the question I posed to myself this night. It has to do with seeing the same movie several times and that sense of "Ah Ha... I hadn't noticed that before". It was within that "Ah Ha" moment that it dawned me, that I was at a minor emotional upheaval.

My truth is that I have received the most joy out of life, helping others. By bringing them relief, happiness, joy and the restoration of their self worth, dignity and security. But if you mix in what it is that I love to do for work and how I make my living at it. The two never or rarely mix, meld or blend. Other than working a show that is based upon raising funds for a charity as in a concert of benefit of some sort.

A few years ago I did have the opportunity to raise over $3000.00 for a mens homeless shelter. I secured the benefactor rather easily. At one point I was a client of the shelter. I remember then a gentleman named Chris handed me a set of sheets to a bed I was assigned. I realized after many thanks and displays of gratitude that he had this glazed over look upon his face. What he provided me with that very day, was my dignity, grace, security and compassion. Most of all and important, he gave me within the sheets..... a seed of hope.

Several years had passed and I was doing swell, I was given the opportunity to go to school and a new lease on life. I thought for my gratitude and pass indignant deeds I owed. I owed someone, society or mankind something in return for my good fortune. Within two months I had created a benefit organization, secured the same homeless shelter I once stayed in as the benefactor, I had secured donations for the silent auction and all pretty much on my own time, resources and ideas.

I made it through what seemed like a depressing night. It was a rainy Monday night in February and the turn out seemed lower than my expectations would have liked. All that being said, at the end of the auction, the door proceeds and the club owner Mickey Cucchiela donating a portion of the register receipts I was able to hand over a check for the aforementioned amount. I was stressed most of the night, being director, coordinator and all things to all people. A good stress I suppose. However as I signed the check it started to hit me.

I had become completely overwhelmed at the moment I handed over the check. I hadn't realized that through all of the coordination with the gentleman from the benefactor's organization I had been dealing with the same man that years before had handed me something. He handed my my hope. As I live and breath until the moment of my outstretched arm handing him the check I hadn't realized who he was, and at that very moment, looking into his eyes and seeing his smile and the humbled look of gratitude and thankfulness all I could do was cry.

Which by the way, was not my intent. My intent was to fulfill my ego with some elaborate speech of gratitude to those that helped make the night possible and ad nauseam. As all things right with nature and as perfect as nature seems....that speech was not meant to be. Instead what people saw, including the benefactor, was a young man filled with tears of grace, joy and and an overwhelming satisfaction that I had completed a goal I was sure I'd lost long sight of.

Now I've found my way back to the purpose and crux of the post. Inside, I have struggled with many things. I have struggled with addiction to anything and everything toxic. I have struggled with love, life and the pursuit of happiness. Most of all I've struggled with an unending sense of where do I belong in this life. I've had a sense of doing something big with my life. Having meaning and purpose. Being able to affect people on a large scale I suppose. I have never really entertained the grandiosity side of these notions, rather than struggling with the who, what, when where and how I am going to achieve such a feet.

I have gotten a decent education, I've taken computer networking classes, broadcasting, sales, marketing, economics, history and all sorts of higher learning. However, aside from working in the music business behind the scenes in production, I've never really found my calling. I suppose that I'll do what the next day has in store. Or maybe as days go by my own answers will come. All I do know is this, my own passion exists because of my desire to fulfill someone else's needs and desire to move on, up and out.

I hope any of this made sense to someone. I think I've piddled out what was inside.... and now you see. Another movie that has brought me to the edge of tears....actually violently over the waterfall......

To Do

Just needed to make a list of some things that have been on my mind. Since thoughts and cells move through my head at speeds even NASA would find alarming.... I think best to put them down here so I don't forget.

George Bush: Tyranny, idiocy arrogance and manipulation.

Iraqi War: Bring them home, the argument that if you cut the funding (now over 600 Billion dollars), it will make democrats look as if the don't support the troops. etc

Sports: Inflated salaries, high ticket prices, role models, shit behavior

Just three there will be more, but for now at 3:10 a.m. A FRICKINGAIN....

God I just gotta go to sleep now.....FUCK!!!

Time

Holy shit.... I've so desired to get back to writing and just getting it out. As anyone that might somehow by accident, stumble upon this page can see I have not been very productive. Every thing spins at light speed and when its not spinning I can't seem to fathom a thought to write. When I first started back to writing after a long break, some witty homosapien suggested that regardless of lack of thought just start writing.

So as you can see this is the result of such a suggestion. However long or short as the result shall be, I would be remiss if I at least didn't make the simple attempt. As I write I'm watching one of my favorite shows. Its broadcast on Discovery Home channel. It comes on at 2 a.m. and it is called Holmes on Homes. This guy is a "do it right" building contractor.

As I write I see the clock is ticking on my sleep time. But aha, I lied. There isn't a clock in this house that ticks. Everything is digital!!! I'm a liar, see I did it right there....I fricking lied. You get the point.

Every time I want to have the fortitude to write, there isn't time. When there is time there isn't much. I can feel a self-hatred laden post coming soon. If you have somehow stumbled to this page in a half drunken stupor, stick around this could get ugly. But for now I've gotta put the sleep timer on, maybe rub one out, eat something...... of course not in any specific order. Hold on, maybe I'll eat first....Okay I got this.

See.....Time...its never ending.

Just starting out

Just getting over a weird week. I was easily able to stay home most of this past week. One day of work and at that a fair easy day. I can't say that what I do for work is really that stressful. I suppose in its own right it is stressful. Anything outside of what is going on while I work is almost in a state of virtual reality for me. Its pretty late on a Sunday night, and after accidentally figuring out I have HBO and catching up on Bill Maher, its just about 3 a.m. and I am going to sack out here on the sofa.

Peace.....